Souls Departed

This post is a day late. My late stepmother’s birthday was yesterday. However, as always, I have been caught up in work and other personal stuff, so I wasn’t able to stop and write about something.

She was a fun person. She wasn’t the usual stepmother character that used to be portrayed in fiction where she had imaginary horns and always made things difficult. In fact, she was kind and nice to me. She did not treat me like a daughter, which was just as well because I honestly did not see her as a mother. I already had a mother, and I did not have the need for one more. She also did not try to be my best friend. When I lived with her and my dad, I was at a point in my life where all I wanted was to get away and go some place where nobody really knew where I came from, and I could pretend I had a pretty normal life.

I am thankful for the years I spent with her and my father. It was during those years that I realized exactly what I wanted to happen with my life. I realized I wanted to be on my own, how badly I wanted to be free. So when the first chance at freedom came to me, I grabbed it without any second thoughts.

I try not to regret anything that’s happened in my life, any decision that I’ve made. However, the only regret that I may have is that I never got to thank her personally. I wish I could have seen her before she passed away. I wish I was able to tell her that all is well. Wherever she is right now, I can only pray that she has found peace and happiness that may seem to have eluded her while she was alive.

This One’s For You, Teacher Alice…

A couple of days ago, I lost one of my favorite teachers.

Alicia G. Sarmiento

When I was in grade school, she has been a huge influence. I always looked forward to the things I learned from her. I didn’t really like school, but I loved learning, and the things I learned from her have made a huge impact on me. I’ve always looked up to her. For me, she was next to perfect.

I loved her not only because she was so smart and fierce. I loved her mostly because she had a lot of faith in me. She was one of the people who believed in me, believed that I could go places, reach limitless goals. I could look at her then and know that she was a strong-willed person who knows what she wants and works on getting it.

She was someone who wasn’t afraid to be different. She had her own say, had her own style. She wasn’t someone to quietly conform and stand on the sidelines. She was someone who made things happen, someone who took control of things. I like myself, and I like being different from the rest. I like wanting different things from the usual. She has shown me (and hopefully a throng of other students whose lives she has touched) that a teacher is not just someone who teaches you while you are in school, who molds you into the person that society expects you to be. Instead, she has shown that a teacher’s success is measured long after the endless hours they spend in classrooms or the sleepless nights they have while preparing lesson plans. A teacher is successful when she can confidently let go of her students, knowing that wherever they life may lead them, she has instilled in them the things they need to survive the circus of life.

To her family, I offer my deepest condolences. I sympathize and share your grief because I, too, lost a part of my life with her passing. I thank the Lord, though, to have blessed me with amazing teachers like her.

In case I have never been able to say this, I want to thank you, for all the things I learned from you… You will be missed, terribly…

Rest in peace, Teacher Alice.

Resurrection

I had the most terrible week and half of my life. However, I am so thankful to be coming out on top. I like being the winner. It comes with the name. For those who understand the Filipino language, you’d know what I mean.

Never again will I ever go through that nightmare I had to go through. I will once again start as a trainer on Thursday. I am still excited even if this isn’t the first time I’ll be training people. It’s just that everything is always a learning experience, so being a trainer is never the same with every class you handle.

It’s my father’s 4th death anniversary today. I hope that wherever he is now, he will find peace.I hope that when he looks at us now, his family, he will be assured that we are all in good hands and in good health.

I want to celebrate my being back to WordPress after almost two years of being away. I have not been active in the last few weeks because my life was in turmoil. I am so glad the storm is over now.

Reruns

I watched a rerun of Ally McBeal last night. It was the episode where Billy Thomas died. If you haven’t seen Ally McBeal at all, then you have missed a huge part of your life. I can remember the days when their episodes made me feel like I was going through Ally’s heartache myself. If you’ve never heard about Ally McBeal, well, let me give you a vague idea.

Ally McBeal is this quirky and smart lawyer who is still single. The love of her life is Billy Thomas. They separated when they went to different law schools. When they saw each other again, Billy was already married to Georgia. What’s more was that the three of them had to work in the same law firm. Together with their friends, Richard Fish, John Cage, Nel Porter, Elaine, and Ling, Ally, Georgia, and Billy faced the ups and downs, the loves and hates of their lives. Unfortunately, Billy was suddenly diagnosed with brain tumor. The tumor was so progressive that he lost his life while he was doing his closing in the courtroom.

There was just so much sadness with the series. Yes, they had comedic moments, but underneath all that comic and laughter, the show was generally a sad one. It was the kind of show that did not leave you with a good feeling at the end of every episode. Before there was Grey’s Anatomy, Ally McBeal reigned over heartbreaks and weird circumstances. I still wish Ally and Billy had a better ending. But, like any other thing in life, we don’t always get the happy ending we all hope for.

Three Tankas

As a poet for today’s rally, I want to feature three Tankas. A Tanka is a Japanese type of poem. It consists of five lines. The first and the third lines have five syllables while the rest of the poem has seven. I have already tried Haiku, so I’m giving this a try as well. I hope you guys enjoy. 🙂

The Grave

The rose smells so sweet.
In her hands, so red, so lush.
But the tears that fall
Portray the sadness she feels,
Leaving the rose on his grave.

The Friend

A joyous flower,
Looking so clean and friendly,
Daisies look so cute.
I wish he’d give me daisies;
His friendship, I so cherish.

My Father

He gave me tulips
Because I was his baby.
He painted flowers
So beautiful to see and
Called them “Tulips for Isha”

This is Not and Ode, But This is For My Father

I miss him.

Everytime I remember him, never a moment goes that I do not wish it was someone else who died, not him. It could have been my mother’s brother, or his wife. It could have been someone else who deliberately made other people miserable. It did nto have to be him. But he was the lucky one who got chosen. Three years has passed, and I still haven’t completely gotten over that.

Maybe I never will. Maybe I will always question the heavens why it had to be him. He could have lived longer, happier, healthier. He could have made his peace with people. He could have created so many other works of art. But he was taken away from this world, and everything else became different.

My father may not have been the perfect father; he was far from it. But I know he tried his best, and he loved my brother and me, which, I think, is all the matter. I learned a lot from him. Without realizing it, he taught me everything I needed to know about life, its hardships, its cruelty, and its beauty.

Every now and then, I always have something I want to tell him or share with him. Unfortunately, I just have to comfort myself with the faith the he is still watching over me, wherever he may be. I may not be able to talk to him, but he still knows what’s going on in my life right now. Still, that’s not enough sometimes.

Sharing This Poem

Today I shall be busy with training for the iConnect stuff. All ACE Coaches are required to get certified with the new Tool we will be using soon. I won’t be able to write really amazing stuff today, so let me share this poem instead to everybody who gets to stumble upon my humble little blog.

Ever since I was a child, I have always loved this poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. This is so simple, yet it really shows a very intense feeling of love. Here it is:

How Do I Love Thee

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.