Level of Maturity

I never had a normal childhood. I used to complain about that, I used to have hang ups about not having an ideal life. I used to not like myself too much when I think back and ponder about my life. I used to be dissatisfied.

Yes, my life was not a big melodrama, but it had a lot of dramatic episodes. I was a generally happy person, but I was always looking for something else. I loved myself too much, but I never really liked myself. I always convinced myself I was beautiful, but I never believe people when they say so. I have always known I was the smart type. I'd never be the prom queen or the campus crush. I was just the popular smart girl that people knew, but never really got to know.

I knew I was already an adult when my perspectives changed. There is not exact date or time when that happened. One day, I just woke up and realized that I loved my life. I would never trade it for anyone else's. I don't have everything I want, but whatever things I don't have, I still have the chance to achieve them. I knew I had matured when I already knew how to see the bigger picture. I am still not satisfied, but that does not mean things will never be better.

I never had a normal childhood, but I am not complaining at all. Not anymore. In fact, I am thankful my life was what it was. I would never be what, where, and who I am today if my life was otherwise. I am an adult now, and it's about time I start owning up to it.

From the End, Something New is Born

The end of innocence is always the beginning of adventure, even life. I always believe that until we find out and encounter the things that hurt us, we never fully understand what life is about.

Life isn't fair, and most of the time, it almost always hurts. Life brigs pain and suffering, broken hearts and broken dreams, failure and disappointment. However, unless we all experience the bad things in life, we will never know how wonderful life can be.

We spend a good time of our lives being sheltered, being protected, being nurtured. However, it is at the moment that we learn to stand on our own that we really understand the purpose of or existence. Life is beautiful. I've always believed that. Yes, I may have had issues with life and it's circumstances. But I've always wanted to be alive. I have always basked in the fact that I live. I want to always be alive.

I wasn't always like this you know. When I was younger, my world only consisted of a very small number of people, which is just my family. But now, I want to draw a larger circle around everyone else around me. I want to experience so much. There's just an endless list of things that I want to get out of life. I am REALLY alive, and it all began when I stopped being a child.