Leaps and Bounds

I have to admit; I ask for too much. I am difficult to deal with. I pick fights and fight back whenever I can. I whine; I complain, and I demand. A lot. I am not an easy person to love.

But all in all, I thank all the stars in the sky because I have people who love me. I have more than my share of people who love me. So, yes, I may not be the ideal, but I am one lucky person.

Luckier still because I found someone who understands me almost as much as I understand myself. He may not really know me, or get how my mind works. But in his own little ways, he knows how to deal with me. He know how to work around me. For that alone, I will remain thankful.

And yes, I ask for a lot. But that does not mean you cannot give me just “a little”. No matter how small, I still know how to look at the bigger picture and appreciate the little things for what they are – small acts of love or kindness that definitely goes a long way, longer than some of the huge jumps that people go to.

And it is because I know how to appreciate the little things that I also demand leaps and bounds. Yes, I need the huge jump too. It is because of that I also want the giant leap, the grand gesture. So yes, I am lucky. But I know I will be luckiest for all the things I am shown, little or otherwise.

Choices

People ask me why we aren’t married yet. Five years of being together, officially or not, was a lot of time for two people to decide on marriage. It was puzzling why he and I never got arround to doing that. People simply did not understand.

I could simply say we had reasons, reasons which were our own. I could say we weren;t married yet because we had many other plans of our own. Because, individually, we haven’t yet achieved or accomplished what we were supposed to. I could say we didn’t have the means. I could say he didn’t see marriage as a necessity.

Quite frankly, there are a lot of reasons.

It’s not marriage was never discussed. I used to force the subject into our conversations. We used to argue about that. He does not want to get married. I, on the other hand, envied my friends who did. I felt like the whole process of getting married was such a good thing to experience.

Recently, I came to realize that we have now is better. We are better together by not being married. I don’t want to get married anymore.

You see, I don’t want to get married because I want us to always have a choice. When we stick it out with each other, I want us to do so because we choose each other. I want us to work things out because we choose to do so and we choose each other and not just because we simply just had to. I want us to choose each other everyday. If we were married, we would have chosen to stay because we were married. I did not want marriage to be a reason to stay. I want us to stay with each other because of each other.

This way, we loved each other more and we’d always know that even when we both have a choice to leave, to move on, to stop, we will still choose what we have over anything else. And that, for me, was worth more than any marriage ever could get.