
Tearful Rhapsody
March 28, 2010I look at you now, and I just know
That the time has come to let you go.
We loved each other the best we knew how,
But all the love in the world is not enough now.
The ring that once bound two people together
Now feels like cold metal, built to smother.
The bed that once seemed like a world so big
Is now too small for two different worlds to fit.
The nights that were spent in each other’s embrace
Are now just nights that pud an end to days.
The mornings that were always shiny and bright
Are just days that end up as a really cold night.
The hearts that once beat with a love so real
Are now homes to wounds that never seem to heal.
The touch that once burned with all the fiery passion
Is now a touch that hurts, a touch with no emotion.
The eyes that used to see only each other
Now flow with tears that couldn’t fall any faster.
So now, my love, I am finally setting you free;
I’ll never have the courage to say these things to thee.
I am writing this letter as my apology
And my thanks for the love you’ve given me.
No other woman can ever love her man
The way I did. I loved you the best I can.
And no other heart can break like mine does now;
No other person can cry as much as I had done now.
Maybe we will, one day, see each other again,
But until then, we know that this is the end.
Isha, are you ok? Please stay strong.. I can feel your pain… HUGS with love, shakira
oh, shakira, im more than okay…. i just wanted to write something that felt so real and so raw… i am happy that i was able to let you feel and think that it was really me going through the pain… 🙂
You had me going there.. hey I DO CARE … so do take care of yourself ok?
hugs
shakira
wow, impressive.everything is lovely about this poem. the strong feelings of seperation, the rhyming and the patterns.well done Ishabelle.
thanks, wordwand… i am glad to have impressed you…
Wonderful poem with contrasting lines. It shows heart and the painful side of relationships well.
I believe you recently mentioned that you are reading a book on poetry writing so I hope you don’t mind a suggestion here… if so, please let me know. One thing that I often do is to go back and read through my poems looking for words that I can drop. There are often “extra” words at the beginning of the line (e.g. That, The, And, Is) which are sometimes not needed and in fact, can slow or stumble the reader. I suggest reading through this again and seeing how you think it sounds when you remove some of those words. I’m not saying that all the first words need to go :). If you e-mail me skellogg68(at)yahoo.com , I’ll be happy to go through the poem and show you the ones I would recommend removing. Extraneous words can sometimes be found within the lines as well. You also have the word “pud” on line 10 but I think you meant “put.”
I hope you don’t mind my suggestions. You’ve got great talent, keep on writing! We enjoy it!!
Peace,
Stephen
thanks for your input, stephen… 🙂
thank goodness it wasnt real lol, however it was convincing, well done xx
im glad it sounded convincing, william… 🙂
beautiful poetry you got there.but once you write something from personal experience and lifes reality,for sure it will be a masterpiece in everyway.
i’m a fan of poetry and just dropping bye.
keep writing and have a nice day!
hai miss,,love this poem,,the irony is there, the angle,,but the totality of this poem miss,it should survive, and the imagery too..gud day!!
noh? halaka.. todo… lit major man ka dba? so dapat maka evaluate ka unsay kulang ani… hehehe… unlike you, i did not study literature… gnhan lang jud ko mag write2x… *wink*