If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes, use birth control!
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Love your enemies.. it pisses them off.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
People are seldom too busy to stop and tell you how busy they are.
The number one problem in our country is apathy, but who cares!
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
I was wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it hit me.